By Law Loser

It is 7 am and I have not slept the entire night.

I have my CS papers from the 6th and I made myself a cup of strong Nigerian coffee at 12 o’clock last night with the intention to stay up all night and study for the exam.

(No! there is nothing special about Nigerian coffee, it is just nescafe not made in India but Nigeria).

First half of the plan worked , I stayed up all night , but the second part flopped , I didn’t study shit!

I landed up watching “dulhaan hum lejayenge” (Salmaan Khan is so hot!) and “laga chunri mei daag” (Abhishek bachchan! Well!) (also yes! I watch chessy Bollywood movies! Judge me all you want! See if I care! ) and then lay on my bed with my eyes wide open.

I am still up and alive. Not an ounce of sleep in my eyes!

So like Lily of how I met your mother had a list of people who she gave “you are dead to me” look I have decided to make a “I am going to shoot you point blank” list.

A hateful list of people I wouldn’t mind shooting at point blank.

Why so hateful today? Well, For obvious reasons , first because I am grumpy due to my “sleep but no sleep” situation and secondly, I have nothing to do. I can always open my CS book and start studying but this is more exciting!

Sometimes the things that inspire me to write also surprise me ! This time the inspiration coming from no sleep and strong coffee!

Disclaimer :

After this nobody can know who I am, all those who know I am .. shut it!

People who will soon be victims of my wrath are as follows:

1. That moot court escort!

You have to be really evil to top this list and this guy committed a sin!

He was in first year, it was my first moot, I was in third year. The judges of the moot were brutal. And quite honestly I was ill prepared as a result of which I was rather butchered by the judges in the first round. Fine! Happens right? It’s a moot! That what judges do in a moot they grill you.

This smart ass moot escort came to me after my session and while my opposite team was in audible radius told me “DON’T MIND BUT YOU WERE REALLY BAD”!

Can you beat that ??

This is a very rare thing! I am sure most of you can not empathize but definitely sympathize!

So, junior moot escort. I am going to find you. And kill you!


2. That relative!

This is a little non-NLU inclined point. Do you have that one or more, in some cases, relative who makes a face when you tell them you are not doing law from a NLU? Or is it just my relatives? Or when you tell them you are doing law in Bangalore, Calcutta or Hyderabad they ask you “OH! The NLU there?”

No! I am doing law from a private college ! I couldn’t crack CLAT! But I will still get a BA. LLB degree and yes they teach the same laws in the NLUs and the private college!

Tell me about your life? Which college were you from?

3. That friend!

You help her! You have been friends for a relatively long period of time! You are FRIENDS! What do good friends do? Good friends help! Or at least when they can not help they say the same and have the reasonable and acceptable reason behind not helping you !

But this friend DOES NOT HELP.

In the time of need, when you go to this friend , either she refuses and gives a crappy fucking reason which makes you doubt your friendship or even worse , she delays and pretends like she has provided you with useful information which in reality is decorated bullshit!

Shame on you friend!

4. That teacher!

I have a mental teacher in college! She is plain and simple mental! No answer is ever correct for her. She called the people who didn’t turn up on the day of some stupid class test frauds !

If she has a problem with an active sentence changed to passive! She makes us read or text answers in class and insults us !

Do you have a teacher like that? The teacher who thinks that if she is not mean to students she is not a good teacher? It does not need to be a teacher necessarily, it can be the canteen uncle, the maintenance staff, the office bearer, the admin of the college !

Anybody with a behavior like they have just hit menopause!


5. That guy!

That one person who listens to your joke or your one liner and says it out louder than you. Everybody laughs and gives him hi-fives! IT WAS MY JOKE ! I SAID IT!!


This point can be extended to those people also who listen to your first hand idea and then implement it before you and claim outcome to be their own.

When Shakespeare said what’s there in the name. I wish I was alive !

6. The moot court judge!

This is a continuation of the first point, the judge who grilled me, humiliated me in the first round of my first moot. I was partly at fault, hence you shall be given an exemption! Next time I see I am just going to stare at you!

Because clearly you will not remember me but for me, you are on the list man! So I am going to stare at you. Make you so uncomfortable that you shy off and run away !

Or just take my gang and get you beaten up!


8. That secret evaluator!

I barely study, but I studied for that subject! I swear I did , but what did I score a 40 or a 50 ! WHO THE FUCK CHECKED MY PAPER! Whooooooooooooo?

9. The girl who never returns a pen!

Call me cheap but you take one pen and do not return it, it is ok. You take my pen again and you don’t return it is not so ok but it is ok.


I am going to beat you with a belt!



Similarly, another class of people.


That’s all I have in mind right now! Still no sleep! But what to do!

Who’s Law Loser? Even we don’t know!

I am the Admin of Lawctopus. I am for law students, of law students and by law students. I am Torts and Contracts and moots and internships. I am your boyfriend! And your girlfriend too! Mentor. Friend. Junior. Senior. I am the footnote in your research paper. Foreword in your life. The jugaad for your internship. The side gig which earns you bucks. I am Maggi. Pocket money too.


  1. i stopped reading this halfway. girl, you got to understand that internet is not your personal diary. people are not interested in reading about what coffee you made or what movie you saw or how cruel the world has been to you, at least not on a website like lawctopus. this is not your facebook wall. personal blogs here still ought to contain personal experience relating to your readers’ field only.
    keep the audience in mind next time!
    ps- this was idiotic and stupid. i hope the admin removes this post sooner in order to save the girl from further internet bashing, saving themselves a little respect and also readers’ time.

  2. This was the most annoying post that I have read in my life.

    Law loser – you are on MY hit list for writing such a down trodden article you lame piece of $%@#%#$^%@$#.

  3. Dear Coffee analyst .
    If I think about it . I cannot agree more .
    Thank you.
    And well. I think I know who you are.


  4. Dear Law Loser, as a frequent consumer of both Nigerian and Indian Nescafe, I have always found Nigerian Nescafe to be more stronger and better tasting than its desi version. It did keep you up all night, didn’t it?

    Hope this comment does not make me end up in your ‘shooting’ list. By the way, All the Best for your exams!

    • Hallelujah! Such bad writers grow up to become Chetan Bhagat. This post is desperate, boring, vapid as hell (trust me, I am being kind) and is 100% useless to 100% of the student population.

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