What it is like to be Gay

(Asst. Editor’s Note: It is extremely sad that this piece needs to be anonymous. Call for a change in our thinking, nay?)


While attending lectures from morning till evening, dozing off and literally thriving on a cup of coffee, banging your head on bare acts to the commentaries, being asked to think like lawyer to decide on fictitious matter as a Judge, getting lost under the piles of photostated sheets and written notes, playing around with highlighters and page stickers, spending sleepless nights in library for moots do make me question and adds on to the already stocked frustration regarding acceptance of mine in well defined society with its own set of rules propagating what is natural.

It’s an ordeal when you are stuck being what you are not, when you are expected to be ‘MANLY’, when you are looked down upon if you do not flirt with opposite sex, when you are expected to be what people expect out from you and each part of your body and brain are in a constant battle to react in unison but you fail miserably.

Do you have to prove that you’re straight? No, right? Because it is there inherently within yourself but people like me have to go through bazillion of questions in order to prove what is natural and over which I have no control and then face wrath of the society and get secluded as a product of western civilization.

Law School hasn’t been tough because I am still closeted to my college-mates, I don’t want to even come out since the existing vibe around campus is un-welcoming and purely conservative.

Wait? Is it only my campus? Or it is general lingering perception?  The general doubts and questions I am made to clear is as follows-

Firstly, being Gay is not a choice; it is not a biological defect or a disease.

It is god-gift (as Tim Cook puts it) that some people in the overly populated world love the people belonging to the same sex.

It is not that one fine day, I woke up from the slumber and I decided to love men.

Neither I have faced traumatic break ups nor I am impotent which lead me to opt for homosexuality as a solution.

I am also not bitten by any creature or suffered from any flu named ‘Gay-quito’ due to which I feel attracted to men than women.

So, the illogical debates to prove the science behind ‘homosexuality being normal’ is a waste mates because since when we as a nation are driven by science?

Have we ever consulted a scientist before drinking a tea or coffee to understand what will be digested easily?

Have we ever asked biologist before proposing a girl/guy to know whether we will click or not? Answer is NO.

We haven’t so why we have unsolicited levels to prove which is completely natural?

Apparently, some yogis/babas have a cure for Homosexuality.

Amazing, isn’t it? Because, that means they have a capsule which they made by foreseeing that the society would reach a point where men would fall for men. Woah. This goes against their own stand i.e. it is against culture, which brings me to the second point.

Secondly, the ridiculous concept that same sex union is against the very culture of our nation as it goes against our scriptures and traditions.

This is just a sheet under which homophobic and religious fanatics takes refuge as the same texts, if they would have read it carefully never refuted the relationship between same sexes.

A pic of the figurines in Khajuraho.

A pic of the figurines in Khajuraho.

Infact, our nation is known for its sexual diversity since its inception. The sculptures at Khajuraho depict the traditional aspect of our society in reference to sexuality.

This duplicity in terms of reading the scriptures from one angle and interpreting it intentionally shows the hidden phobia of our society.

Also, if we adhere to religious texts so strictly, why we have rapes, sexual assault, and child abuse persisting in our society?

We being the purest of pure and follower of our religion failed to stop crimes against women and children which is clear in our texts but will stop a man marrying a man because it hurts the patriarchy and then would resort to the defence of ‘RELIGION’.

Thirdly, the increasing number of Homosexuals would turn the entire population gay!

This is interesting. I am still curious, why I am still into men even after 19 years of existence amidst the straight people?

Also, how does this will work even if I am to believe in this transformation? Will I checking guys out would make them fall for me? Or, cursing girls who are along with men whom I like would make them shun off their own sexuality?

And since we follow science, I am still waiting to get hold of technique which can make me attract to opposite sex. How cool it would have been if it was so easy, we the ‘miniscule’ population would have made India a land of Homosexuals. Isn’t it?

Ok, this is serious. Bible and other text do tag the relation of same sex couple against the law of nature because they can’t procreate. Yes, since we are bestowed with responsibility to produce one child at every corner of this world, how can we allow people to be married and not producing children?

But, if we are to accept this condition as well, what status we will give to childless couples? And since when it is necessary to have child so that society term you as ‘NATURAL’? Isn’t it sole discretion of the partners whether they want to have kids or not.

marriage is not consent

Hey, we can’t legislate on the matter of Marital Rape, since the law would be entering into the bedroom of the people, but aren’t we already sitting inside it, when we criminalise gay sex?

I am still wondering how the court came up with the term ‘miniscule’, because first the presence of the sec 377 makes hundreds and thousands of people live behind the closet and those who are out and proudly gay still covers 10% (approx.) of the population.

Thus, 10% of the current population which is 1.252 billion would be 0.125 billion and it is nowhere tiny that their rights can be overlooked and gates of the court be shut.

And let’s accept it, is carnal intercourse only restricted to LGBT community? The ‘NATURAL’ people don’t indulge in having the same? But, heterosexuals don’t have to be under the radar of being tagged as criminals and we can be put behind the bar even upon the suspicion under Section 377.

The porn industry thrives much on our countrymen doesn’t it? We do surf the same, and accept it or not dear heterosexuals, you view videos showing ‘carnal intercourse’ and pleasure yourself. But, no it is act which exclusively done and enjoyed by GAYS.

These seven pointers do not prove completely the ability of people being ignorant because there are plenty more questions which can be penned down, but I am sure it gives the glimpse of what makes people stand in support of section 377. It is disheartening when SC ruled against the Naz Foundation and overruled the HC verdict.

Surely, it doesn’t limit my life but it suffocates me and makes me question my existence every day. People at large still feels that being Gay is criminal whereas the judgment was regarding the carnal intercourse which is exactly what makes me vulnerable in this straight world. I have no doubt on who I am and I am not ashamed of it either.

I am out to my bunch of friends and my siblings and I am glad nothing is changed between us.

Either they are pretty amazing people or I am awesome!

I have still hopes from the Supreme Court while they decide on curative petition but it do makes me question the fact that how can court just wipe away the human and fundamental rights of people under the carpet.

This has already caused many cynicism and people have started losing faith in judiciary, but I for one, still hinge on.

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Comments Till Now

  1. its a really well-written article. Even though I am straight, I have gay friends. The laws related to homosexuality are condemnable. Section 377 is a piece of archaic law that the britishers had made. At present even they have changed this law. But our society, despite being “MODERN” and “TECHNO-SAVVY”,is still deeply conservative. But to all you guys out there, remember, a beautiful dawn awaits you. Your efforts will not go in vain.

  2. It is sad that you are facing a conservative atmosphere. I am a law student in Delhi
    and am openly gay. Nothing has changed since I’ve come out. Attitudes are changing and don’t worry because there’ll always be people who’ll support you. All the best.

  3. faggot

  4. Hello!
    I do understand what you are going through. Everyday I wake up and try to control my feelings for same sex and the thing I say to myself is that I am part of society and I cant go against it. I know this notion of mine is wrong but things here outside this computer aren’t going to change at least for sometime.

  5. HangInThere says:

    Hang in there. The law criminalising homosexuality is rubbish and its only a matter of time before it will be scrapped.
    Until then, live your life the way you want to.

    And apart from how heart-breaking it is, its also a very well written article. 🙂

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