By Law Loser
It is 7 am and I have not slept the entire night.
I have my CS papers from the 6th and I made myself a cup of strong Nigerian coffee at 12 o’clock last night with the intention to stay up all night and study for the exam.
(No! there is nothing special about Nigerian coffee, it is just nescafe not made in India but Nigeria).
First half of the plan worked , I stayed up all night , but the second part flopped , I didn’t study shit!
I landed up watching “dulhaan hum lejayenge” (Salmaan Khan is so hot!) and “laga chunri mei daag” (Abhishek bachchan! Well!) (also yes! I watch chessy Bollywood movies! Judge me all you want! See if I care! ) and then lay on my bed with my eyes wide open.
I am still up and alive. Not an ounce of sleep in my eyes!
So like Lily of how I met your mother had a list of people who she gave “you are dead to me” look I have decided to make a “I am going to shoot you point blank” list.
A hateful list of people I wouldn’t mind shooting at point blank.
Why so hateful today? Well, For obvious reasons , first because I am grumpy due to my “sleep but no sleep” situation and secondly, I have nothing to do. I can always open my CS book and start studying but this is more exciting!
Sometimes the things that inspire me to write also surprise me ! This time the inspiration coming from no sleep and strong coffee!
After this nobody can know who I am, all those who know I am .. shut it!
People who will soon be victims of my wrath are as follows:
1. That moot court escort!
You have to be really evil to top this list and this guy committed a sin!
He was in first year, it was my first moot, I was in third year. The judges of the moot were brutal. And quite honestly I was ill prepared as a result of which I was rather butchered by the judges in the first round. Fine! Happens right? It’s a moot! That what judges do in a moot they grill you.
This smart ass moot escort came to me after my session and while my opposite team was in audible radius told me “DON’T MIND BUT YOU WERE REALLY BAD”!
Can you beat that ??
This is a very rare thing! I am sure most of you can not empathize but definitely sympathize!
So, junior moot escort. I am going to find you. And kill you!
2. That relative!
This is a little non-NLU inclined point. Do you have that one or more, in some cases, relative who makes a face when you tell them you are not doing law from a NLU? Or is it just my relatives? Or when you tell them you are doing law in Bangalore, Calcutta or Hyderabad they ask you “OH! The NLU there?”
No! I am doing law from a private college ! I couldn’t crack CLAT! But I will still get a BA. LLB degree and yes they teach the same laws in the NLUs and the private college!
Tell me about your life? Which college were you from?
3. That friend!
You help her! You have been friends for a relatively long period of time! You are FRIENDS! What do good friends do? Good friends help! Or at least when they can not help they say the same and have the reasonable and acceptable reason behind not helping you !
But this friend DOES NOT HELP.
In the time of need, when you go to this friend , either she refuses and gives a crappy fucking reason which makes you doubt your friendship or even worse , she delays and pretends like she has provided you with useful information which in reality is decorated bullshit!
Shame on you friend!
4. That teacher!
I have a mental teacher in college! She is plain and simple mental! No answer is ever correct for her. She called the people who didn’t turn up on the day of some stupid class test frauds !
If she has a problem with an active sentence changed to passive! She makes us read or text answers in class and insults us !
Do you have a teacher like that? The teacher who thinks that if she is not mean to students she is not a good teacher? It does not need to be a teacher necessarily, it can be the canteen uncle, the maintenance staff, the office bearer, the admin of the college !
Anybody with a behavior like they have just hit menopause!
SCREW YOU, YOU ARE MENTAL!
5. That guy!
That one person who listens to your joke or your one liner and says it out louder than you. Everybody laughs and gives him hi-fives! IT WAS MY JOKE ! I SAID IT!!
HE IS A FRAUD!
This point can be extended to those people also who listen to your first hand idea and then implement it before you and claim outcome to be their own.
When Shakespeare said what’s there in the name. I wish I was alive !
6. The moot court judge!
This is a continuation of the first point, the judge who grilled me, humiliated me in the first round of my first moot. I was partly at fault, hence you shall be given an exemption! Next time I see I am just going to stare at you!
Because clearly you will not remember me but for me, you are on the list man! So I am going to stare at you. Make you so uncomfortable that you shy off and run away !
Or just take my gang and get you beaten up!
7. WHOEVER GAVE ME THE NIGERIAN COFFEE!
8. That secret evaluator!
I barely study, but I studied for that subject! I swear I did , but what did I score a 40 or a 50 ! WHO THE FUCK CHECKED MY PAPER! Whooooooooooooo?
9. The girl who never returns a pen!
Call me cheap but you take one pen and do not return it, it is ok. You take my pen again and you don’t return it is not so ok but it is ok.
AGAIN YOU TAKE MY PEN AND NOT RETURN AND THEN NEXT DAY AGAIN YOU ASK FOR A PEN!
I am going to beat you with a belt!
GET YOUR OWN PEN!
Similarly, another class of people.
DO NOT ALWAYS TAKE A BITE OF MY FOOD ALSO WHEN I ORDER SOMETHING VERY NICE AND YOU HAVE ORDERED CRAP DON’T EAT MY DISH MORE THAN ME !
That’s all I have in mind right now! Still no sleep! But what to do!
Who’s Law Loser? Even we don’t know!